The Secret Messages in 3 E-Bike Hater Stickers

People act weird around e-MTBs. I noticed this before I started riding them, when I was out on the trails on a conventional mountain bike. Someone would pass me on an e-bike and apologize. Then, I became the one on the e-bike. Over the last year, I’ve heard my fair share of half-joking “you’re cheating” comments.

As far as I’m concerned, I really don’t care what bike you’re riding. I guess some people do, though.

It is completely wild that a few people go much, much further than snide comments. They care so much that they actually go out of their way to design and print stickers, bring them on rides, and stick them to trail signs. Stickers that make statements. Stickers with strong opinions about e-MTBs.

To their credit, these outspoken sticker stickers can be clever. They’re way more creative than the boring “cheating” comments. Whenever I ride past one of these, I ponder its true meaning. And today, I shall unlock the mysteries of three stickers.

1. “Trump Rides an E-Bike”

Alright, let’s get the polarizing debate out of the way. These e-MTBs, they’re tearing our country apart! I can’t even have Thanksgiving dinner with my family any longer.

At first glance, it seems like the Libs are firing shots at Trump, calling him out for riding a loathsome e-bike on their pristine trails. Hoo boy, the MAGA crowd is not going to like this one!

But wait… Is this a false-flag operation? Is the sticker-creator actually a hardcore Trump fan who has discovered the outdoors aboard an e-MTB? Are they proclaiming their love for these two lifelong passions, demagoguery and pedal-assist bicycles?

Maybe. But we are in Boulder County, a voting precinct that somehow tallied -131 votes for Trump in the last election. No way this sticker came from a Trumper. They simply don’t exist in these parts.

Instead, I think it’s the tail wagging the dog wagging the tail. An e-bike rider with no political affiliation diabolically crafted this sticker to sew further partisan division between pro- and anti-e-bike camps by positioning this as a Blue vs. Red debate, thereby decreasing interest in e-MTBs and driving down bike prices so they can reap the benefits of cheaper e-bikes for the next two political cycles! It’s so crazy that it just might work.

2. Dare to Resist E-Bikes

Where my Nancy Regan Stans at?? Somewhere in heaven, old Nance is smiling approvingly down at this D.A.R.E. homage as she tokes on a big-old spliff. Why wouldn’t she? Drugs cannot harm you if you’re already dead, and heck, she was as curious as any of us were.

At face-value, it seems like a well-meaning child of the ‘80s decided to craft a cautionary message for the young rippers. They affixed it to every trail marker and sign post to scare the Zoomers away from e-MTBs.

But is anyone that noble, that altruistic? I think instead, this is a devious play by Big E-Bike to lure rebellious riders into spiraling e-MTB addictions. The more you ride them, the more you want to ride them. Maybe we are at the precipice of an e-bike addiction pandemic that will spoil the potential of many a talented youth, who might otherwise finish anonymously mid-pack in World Cup XC for a decade or so.

Or maybe, e-bikes are the psilocybin of the bike world. The Federal government might not look kindly upon them, but they have tremendous capabilities to unlock areas of your brain that were otherwise constrained. Either way, all the cool kids are doing it. Just try it.

3: Mountain Bikes Don’t Have Motors

Here we have a fairly self-evident statement. I’m not riding around calling my e-bike a mountain bike. Nor am I calling my mountain bike an e-bike. I think we settled this a while ago. Very cool, thanks for clarifying.

But wait, look closer and see how it says “since 1976.” The image is an iconic photo taken by Wende Cragg in 1977 of Howie Hammerman, Otis Guy, Chris McManus, and Joe Breeze atop Mount Tamalpais. These are some of the people who essentially invented mountain biking in the birthplace of mountain biking.

Maybe the sticker-maker knows something we don’t. Maybe they were there, at the birth of mountain biking and saw things you won’t read about in the history books. What is their secret? Were some of these old-timers pulling a Cancellara with a sneaky motor hidden inside the frame? Are all of those records on the famous Repack downhill now tainted? Should the UCI investigate? Where was Lance Armstrong in 1976 anyway?

Conclusion

Well, to whomever made those stickers, congratulations. You did it. You got my attention. I saw your stickers. I took photos of them. Shit, I even wrote a whole blog about them! But my honest question (besides all of my weirdo conspiracy theory questions) is: What’s the point?

You could spend your time, energy, and sticker funds on being angsty about how other people are recreating. Or not. But who am I to begrudge someone a creative outlet for their emotions?

One final thought on that third sticker, with the old-school mountain bikers: You can be sure that those people in that (stolen) image got a lot of hate from hikers and equestrians back in the early ‘80s. The original mountain bikers were using a new technology that enabled them to access more trails, go faster, and do rad stuff. And that didn’t sit well with some people. That’s alright. We got over it, moved on, and mountain bikes are pretty ubiquitous these days. But just imagine if custom stickers were so readily available 40 years ago…